For five years, I was going through an unnecessary, and a very messy divorce.  In 2015,       I was doing it for long enough to be able to educate myself and recognize so-called:  “Seven Stages of Grief”, which I was experiencing through the whole separation process. I already passed the initial shock, dismissed denial, worked through anger and hate issues, and miraculously managed to skip the bargaining, whatever that was. Finally, when the depression hit, I was so exhausted and mentally strained that in my opinion, the only options left were: medicating myself,  seeking professional help, drinking extensively,  nursing my fragile state of mind, by being on the couch, and simply doing nothing, or maybe just feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I searched Amazon…..

I found a book: “Getting Past Your Breakup”, written by Susan J. Elliott, and purchased it with some reluctance, relying only on reviews of some strangers. In my entire life I have never read any self-help book, and what’s more, I’ve never believed in the effectiveness of those. Luckily, I had nothing else to lose other than pills/shrink/couch opportunity. My approach to working with that book was strictly experimental and born out of necessity and sheer desperation.  I plowed through author’s personal experience and suffered through the other people’s stories. All of these usually drive me insane, but this time actually persuaded me to dutifully perform all of the recommended writing/soul searching exercises. It was the first time when I had to analyze and scrutinize my relationship.  I had to force myself to put aside the emotions, to look at the facts, and  to write down not only what was wrong about it, but also to discover the truth about my own faults. It was a liberating experience.

In the end, this book managed to change my mind about myself, my failed relationship, but also about self-help books ;-).  I experienced emotional catharsis simply by putting certain facts about my relationship down on the paper and rereading them several times. I learned a lot about my own feelings and motivations. I was able to understand the bumpy path which led to the divorce.  The exercises helped me to raise from the miserable limbo I was stuck in, and to shift my mind in the different direction, the direction of my own future and the new beginning.  I don’t think my divorce was unnecessary anymore. I can also state with full responsibility, that self-help books may be useful and helpful if one puts the right amount of effort and engagement in them.