Category Archives: Post 2.3

Paragraph: The picture in the Guardian article is an outline sketch of how the day to day activities would be in this forest city.  At the center of the photo we see people in a park-like environment riding their bikes, fixing their bikes, socializing and socially gathering.  On the ground, it may look like a normal city scenery,  when we look up from the ground level to the top of the picture we discover that the buildings are all covered with green, this is not glass these are living plants and in the air we see flocks of birds flying, the air at this level is so pure and free we see people in sky carts travelling from sky scraper to skyscraper. This is thus the basis of the article, in the Guardian entitled “’Forest cities’: the radical plan to save China from air pollution”

Revised: Published in the Guardian was a picture showing a detailed sketch of how daily activities would be in a forest city.  At the center of the photo people are in a park, riding and fixing their bikes, socializing and socially gathering.  On the ground, it is a normal city scenery, when we look to the top, we discover the green buildings. Not green colored glass instead we view living plants and flocks of birds flying. Surrounded by pure air, we see people in sky carts traveling to and from skyscrapers. The basis of the article, in the Guardian entitled “’Forest cities’: the radical plan to save China from air pollution”

Reflection: I believe I had viewed some redundancies,  Reminiscing it was just a few hours before I had to submit the draft,  and reading the essay by “Jane the Student” had me feeling like Tarzan Boy, paragraph to paragraph. From here I go trying to read another of the Essay2 by student and probably another read of the marvelous work of “Jane the Student”

Paragraph Revision for Essay 2

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Original:

Most of the “deniers” of climate change are privileged white males from the West. According to Daggett, “In other words, fossil fuels matter to new authoritarian movements in the West because of profits and consumer lifestyles, but also because privileged subjectivities are oil-soaked and coal-dusted. It is no coincidence that white, conservative American men – regardless of  class – appear to be among the most vociferous climate deniers, as well as leading fossil fuel proponents in the West,” (28). This is because it is these white men that profit the most out of fossil fuel and oil consumed by the people. It is through living blindly to make more wealth and cash flow in the economy that these people have turned their backs to the dying animals and starving people around the world that only receive harm from the financial growth of these greedy people.

Revised:

Most of the people that deny climate change are privileged white males from the West. According to Daggett, “In other words, fossil fuels matter to new authoritarian movements in the West because of profits and consumer lifestyles, but also because privileged subjectivities are oil-soaked and coal-dusted. It is no coincidence that white, conservative American men – regardless of  class – appear to be among the most vociferous climate deniers, as well as leading fossil fuel proponents in the West,” (28). This shows that white men run and profit the most from the oil and fossil fuel industries. It is the drive to make more wealth and cash flow in the economy that made these people turn their backs to the dying animals and starving people around the world that only receive harm from the financial growth of these greedy people.

Reflect:

I changed the sentences I wrote to be more straightforward by removing unnecessary words and phrases. Now the paragraph sounds more straight to the point. This wasn’t challenging because when I wrote this paragraph I just added information but when I revised it, I was able to catch some writing errors.

Post 2.3:

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Second Paragraph:

First and foremost, in the second-last paragraph of “Petro-masculinity”, Dagget proposes to follow Kate Manne’s belief of misogyny as a set of practices that enforces the norms of patriarchal rule. The author says that if misogyny’s perceived as a policing practice, the focus changes to, “detailing the suffering of its targets, making room for structural as well as direct manifestations of violence. Using Manne’s logic of misogyny, it becomes far easier to recognize, and contest, the pattern of omnipresent aggression experienced by women and others deemed to be gender deviants.” (19).

Revised

Dagget proposes to follow Kate Manne’s belief of misogyny as a set of practices that enforces the norms of patriarchal rule in the book “petromasculinity”. He reckons that using Kate’s logic makes it easier to recognize the pattern of omnipresent aggression experienced by women.

Reflection:

Chose to change it up so as to eliminate redundancy and simplify the structure.

2:3 Paragraph Revision

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Paragraph Revision

 

In the Dr. Pepper commercial, the mountain man partakes in very stereotypical manly experiences as he eats tree bark as beef jerky, single handedly carries large tree logs around and fishes in an icy stream alongside a uncharacteristically friendly grizzly bear who is also fishing.   In this icy stream he waits as a bald eagle swoops down satirically to deliver an icy cold Dr. Pepper Ten to him. Dr. Pepper’s Mountain Man has also returned to this frontier where he is free to be wild and carefree like the animals he interacts with.  

 

The Mountain Man in the Dr. Pepper commercial is a stereotypical male figure.  He does stupid things like eating tree bark, carrying heavy trees and fishes with a mean bear.  He then drinks a diet soda that was delivered by a bird. He likes to act like a wild animal.

 

My revision sounds stupid and very unsophisticated.  I would never write this was and I’m a big fan of words, especially descriptive ones.

2.3 Draft Revision

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Draft:

At the first look the video seems to be a presentation of Ocasio-Cortez’s thoughts on “decarbonizing economy” and the costs of saving the planet and different scenarios for the future. With the soothing music in the background and a picture illustrating her words it may seem like anyone could watch it , relax and interpret her words on their own. It’s only when we look at the big caption on the top of the screen we can start wondering why the word “shallow” is used. That could lead us to the conclusion that perhaps someone is criticizing Ocasio-Cortez’s stance on funding decarbonization of the economy and possible scenarios and that additional information is required for the better understanding of this video.

Revision:

 The video presents Ocasio-Cortez’s thoughts about the expense of “decarbonizing economy” and climate change. Soft music plays in the background and an illustration corresponds with her words. Currently the audience interprets freely but because the word “shallow” sticks out, Ocasio-Cortez’s presentation changes from reliable to questionable. 

Conclusion:

Lard unloading is liberating and mind blowing. I squeezed my own words like a lemon and ended up with an essence. Amazing! It was just one paragraph, if I do it with my whole essay I’ll be left with 2 pages. Are you going to be happy with 2 pages Professor? ;-)))))

2.3: Revision

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Before: This Ram advertisement prioritizes white males as the hardworking breadwinners of their households. When Cara Daggett discusses the new deal infrastructure put forth in the aftermath of the great depression she states that, “the American way of life was centred around a version of white, patriarchal rule in which the achievement of hegemonic masculinity required intensive fossil fuel consumption and, for the working-or middle-class, jobs within or reliant upon fossil fuel systems.” (Daggett, 32) In the advertisement the two people both are construction workers, an occupation that is often associated with being manly and tough. Who better to represent this manly, tough, worker than white male figures, as if no other race or gender could do the same. This highlights the sexism and racism present in this advertisement. Donald Trump has not shied away from sexism and racism either, in fact some of his campaign is based on those exact ideas. For example, the famous wall, the wall spanding the United States Mexico border, in order to prevent illegal immigration because according to Trump Mexicans are stealing the hardworking Americans’ jobs. Also Trump has degraded women multiple times over the years, claiming that he can grab any woman he wants and that the woman would enjoy it.

Revision: This Ram advertisement prioritizes white males as the hardworking breadwinners of their households. When Cara Daggett discusses the new deal infrastructure put forth in the aftermath of the great depression she states that, “the American way of life was centred around a version of white, patriarchal rule in which the achievement of hegemonic masculinity required intensive fossil fuel consumption and, for the working-or middle-class, jobs within or reliant upon fossil fuel systems.” (Daggett, 32) In the advertisement the two people both are construction workers, an occupation that is often associated with being manly and tough. Who better to represent this manly, tough, worker than white male figures, as if no other race or gender could do the same. This highlights the sexism and racism present in this advertisement. Donald Trump has not shied away from sexism and racism either, in fact some of his campaign is based on those exact ideas. Donald Trump embraces sexism and racism even before his election, in his campaign. For example, the famous wall, the wall spanding the United States Mexico border, in order to prevent illegal immigration because according to Trump Mexicans are stealing the hardworking Americans’ jobs. Also Trump has degraded women multiple times over the years, claiming that he can grab any woman he wants and that the woman would enjoy it.

Reflection: I noticed that sometimes when I am writing I tend to write exactly what I am thinking and that is not always the best course of action as my thoughts can get quite wordy without me noticing. As I write I sometimes write out the steps of my thinking, which tends to be repetitive and unnecessary at certain points.