In the Dr. Pepper commercial, the mountain man partakes in very stereotypical manly experiences as he eats tree bark as beef jerky, single handedly carries large tree logs around and fishes in an icy stream alongside a uncharacteristically friendly grizzly bear who is also fishing. In this icy stream he waits as a bald eagle swoops down satirically to deliver an icy cold Dr. Pepper Ten to him. Dr. Pepper’s Mountain Man has also returned to this frontier where he is free to be wild and carefree like the animals he interacts with.
The Mountain Man in the Dr. Pepper commercial is a stereotypical male figure. He does stupid things like eating tree bark, carrying heavy trees and fishes with a mean bear. He then drinks a diet soda that was delivered by a bird. He likes to act like a wild animal.
My revision sounds stupid and very unsophisticated. I would never write this was and I’m a big fan of words, especially descriptive ones.
At the first look the video seems to be a presentation of Ocasio-Cortez’s thoughts on “decarbonizing economy” and the costs of saving the planet and different scenarios for the future. With the soothing music in the background and a picture illustrating her words it may seem like anyone could watch it , relax and interpret her words on their own. It’s only when we look at the big caption on the top of the screen we can start wondering why the word “shallow” is used. That could lead us to the conclusion that perhaps someone is criticizing Ocasio-Cortez’s stance on funding decarbonization of the economy and possible scenarios and that additional information is required for the better understanding of this video.
Revision:
The video presents Ocasio-Cortez’s thoughts about the expense of “decarbonizing economy” and climate change. Soft music plays in the background and an illustration corresponds with her words. Currently the audience interprets freely but because the word “shallow” sticks out, Ocasio-Cortez’s presentation changes from reliable to questionable.
Conclusion:
Lard unloading is liberating and mind blowing. I squeezed my own words like a lemon and ended up with an essence. Amazing! It was just one paragraph, if I do it with my whole essay I’ll be left with 2 pages. Are you going to be happy with 2 pages Professor? ;-)))))
Before: This Ram advertisement prioritizes white males as the hardworking breadwinners of their households. When Cara Daggett discusses the new deal infrastructure put forth in the aftermath of the great depression she states that, “the American way of life was centred around a version of white, patriarchal rule in which the achievement of hegemonic masculinity required intensive fossil fuel consumption and, for the working-or middle-class, jobs within or reliant upon fossil fuel systems.” (Daggett, 32) In the advertisement the two people both are construction workers, an occupation that is often associated with being manly and tough. Who better to represent this manly, tough, worker than white male figures, as if no other race or gender could do the same. This highlights the sexism and racism present in this advertisement. Donald Trump has not shied away from sexism and racism either, in fact some of his campaign is based on those exact ideas. For example, the famous wall, the wall spanding the United States Mexico border, in order to prevent illegal immigration because according to Trump Mexicans are stealing the hardworking Americans’ jobs. Also Trump has degraded women multiple times over the years, claiming that he can grab any woman he wants and that the woman would enjoy it.
Revision: This Ram advertisement prioritizes white males as the hardworking breadwinners of their households. When Cara Daggett discusses the new deal infrastructure put forth in the aftermath of the great depression she states that, “the American way of life was centred around a version of white, patriarchal rule in which the achievement of hegemonic masculinity required intensive fossil fuel consumption and, for the working-or middle-class, jobs within or reliant upon fossil fuel systems.” (Daggett, 32) In the advertisement the two people both are construction workers, an occupation that is often associated with being manly and tough. Who better to represent this manly, tough, worker than white male figures, as if no other race or gender could do the same. This highlights the sexism and racism present in this advertisement. Donald Trump has not shied away from sexism and racism either, in fact some of his campaign is based on those exact ideas.Donald Trump embraces sexism and racism even before his election, in his campaign. For example, the famous wall, the wall spanding the United States Mexico border, in order to prevent illegal immigration because according to Trump Mexicans are stealing the hardworking Americans’ jobs. Also Trump has degraded women multiple times over the years, claiming that he can grab any woman he wants and that the woman would enjoy it.
Reflection: I noticed that sometimes when I am writing I tend to write exactly what I am thinking and that is not always the best course of action as my thoughts can get quite wordy without me noticing. As I write I sometimes write out the steps of my thinking, which tends to be repetitive and unnecessary at certain points.
Since as early as the 19 century, Earths climate has
been progressively changing. If mankind continues down this destructive path, many creatures such as Polar Bears will be on the verge of extinction. Between the rising temperatures and increasing sea levels various Polar Bears are quickly realizing they have nowhere else to seek sea ice. In 2004 four Polar bears drowned off Alaska’s coast, while trying to find sea ice. Issues such these leads to more Polar bears finding homes on land. According to. [https://polarbearsinternational.org/
“An Average Polar Bear will swim 426 miles in a span of nine days without finding a resting spot”. During this journey a Polar Bear will lose 22% of its body weight. This journey becomes especially fatal for young cubs because of the lack of body fat, which gives the cubs less buoyancy in the water, causing them to topically drown. In the end, Polar bears rely on sea ice to survive, without leads to reduce access to food, decrease in health and drowning. In the video below shows two Polar Bears discussing “what causes climate change?” (Please click the link below )watch the short video and answer 3 brief Questions.
Question # 1
What do yousee that few others would in the video?
Question #2 – How has climate effected Polar Bears in the Arctic?
Question #3 – Reading this passage we’re there anything confusing or something you fully didn’t understand? That I could’ve done a better job explaining? Tell me
This is a short film about climate change. I chose this video because it shows us a possibility of what can happen if we don’t take a step against climate change. It shows us how one of our basic essentials to life (water) can be costly and harder to acquire if we don’t take action. This connects to our class topic of climate change and the dangers that follow. If we don’t stop climate change, our daily essentials can become a privilege.
Questions:
How can we save ourselves from one day having to fight for essentials?
Is this short film an accurate idea of a possible outcome due to climate change?
In this video, year 2055 was the year when water becomes hard to find. Is such an outcome going to take less or greater time to come across if we don’t take action now?
There is a shopping cart in the middle of an empty parking lot. It’s very foggy as well which makes it difficult to see beyond 50 feet of the shopping cart. The cart seems to be empty inside so perhaps someone left it there instead of putting it with the other carts. The parking lot lights are on so it might be night time. The parking lot is big as there are many street lights glowing in the distance. There are however no signs of people or cars nearby. It’s a small cart left in one of the solid lines dividing the parking space for two cars. One of the light poles towards the left of the cart seems to not be lit. There seems to be a few trees in the distance.
Revision
This is a shopping cart found in an abandoned Tanger outlet parking lot found near a petrochemical factory. There are no people or cars to be found nearby perhaps because of the pollution from the factories, that might also be the reason behind the fog in the parking lot. The visibility is reduced to roughly 50 feet. The street lights are kept on perhaps because it’s nighttime or because of the fog. The lot itself is clean and free of most marks due to the absence of shoppers. Some of the light bulbs aren’t lit. Maybe there isn’t much maintenance done. The employees might also be limited as there is no one to put the cart back with the rest.
Reflection
This activity challenged my ability to think about the story behind a picture that I initially wouldn’t have taken time out to examine. It is a good practice in my opinion because it proves that pictures speak a thousand words. I revised what I wrote because the title gave me the setting of the picture which explains why it is abandoned and when and where it was taken. I was able to understand that it was by a factory which explains why it’s so foggy or smoky in the parking lot. I enjoyed the activity because everyone has a different version of the story behind this picture.
Engage in the process of writing through evaluation of feedback and significant revision
Reflect on the process of writing
Use writing to think about a presentation
11.2 Class Activities
0. Introduction
Revise Essay 2
Reflect on Essay 2 through writing
Submit Essay 2
OPTIONAL: “Attend” a virtual climate webinar
OPTIONAL: Write a response to the climate webinar and post on the course blog
11.2.0 Introduction
11.2.1 Revise Essay 2
Take all the feedback you’ve received into consideration, and perform a significant revision to your Essay 2. If you feel lost, go back to the Essay 2 assignment prompt and re-read it, just to make sure that you’re meeting the assignment goals.
11.2.2 Reflect on Essay 2 (Revision)
After you’ve finished revising your essay, include a final, one-page reflection after your Works Cited. This reflection should be included in the same document as your revision. (If you’re using Microsoft Word, you can do this by going to Insert–>Pages–>Blank Page. On Google Docs, Insert–>Break–>Page Break.) Don’t worry about making this reflection perfect. Think of it like a focused freewrite.
In one page or less, reflect on the following:
How is this revision different from your draft? How did you focus your revision, and what was the outcome?
What would you work on if you made another significant revision?
In terms of the process of writing—from brainstorming and drafting to peer review and revision—what’s the most valuable thing you learned about your own writing? How can you apply this to your other courses, or to something outside of Queens College?
11.2.3 Submit Essay 2 (Revision)
After incorporating feedback, proofreading your essay, and including your short reflection, save the essay as a Word Doc (it should have the extension “.doc” or “.docx”).
Submit the Word Doc of your Essay 2 (Revision) to Dropbox by clicking here.
Then, congratulate yourself! Do a dance! Eat some chocolate!
11.2.4 OPTIONAL: “Attend” a Virtual Climate Webinar: “Solve Climate by 2030”
Bard College has organized a state-by-state roundtable of actionable climate solutions. Each state will make an hour-long presentation at 6pm ET. I believe the webinar will also be recorded, and, if so, I’d like to do something with this when we reconvene after Spring Break. So if you want to get ahead of the curve, go ahead and watch the webinar and take some notes. I think it should be interesting! Watch this space for the link in the coming days….
Here’s the description:
Have you heard about Solve Climate by 2030? On the night of Tuesday April 7, the Center for Environmental Policy at Bard College is coordinating a series of 52, university-hosted webinars, one in every state of the country, focused on ambitious but feasible state and local solutions to help solve climate by 2030. We now need your help to get 100,000 students and community members across the country talking about local climate solutions on April 7.
11.2.5 Write a Response to the Webinar (Under Class Discussions)
If you tune into the webinar—whether live or afterward (recorded)—write a response on our course site message board and feel free to respond to your classmates. What did you think? What stuck out to you? What do you have to add?
Deepen understanding of revision strategies, of the process of writing, and of clarity in prose
Consider how to shorten sentences in order to improve clarity and suggest meaning
OPTIONAL: apply what you’ve learned to your own drafts
11.1 Class Activities
Read & annotate: selection from Verlyn Klinkenborg’s Several Short Sentences About Writing (Est. Time: 90m)
OPTIONAL: finish reading the selection that’s posted.
OPTIONAL: revise one of your paragraphs using Klinkenborg’s advice (Post 2.5)
11.1.0 Introduction
11.1.1 Read & Annotate Selection from Verlyn Klinkenborg’s Several Short Sentences About Writing
I’ve posted a text about writing—a rather interesting one, I think!—by a writer named Verlyn Klinkenborg called Several Short Sentences About Writing. As a text about writing and education, I think you’ll find it refreshing.
Here’s what I want you to do: read pp. 3–47 and respond through annotations (using Hypothesis, like you did for the Malm essay) both to the text and to your classmates’ annotations. Annotate parts that interest you, confuse you, inspire you, that you disagree with—whatever makes you think! (And if you find that you can’t make it all the way to p. 47, that’s okay, too. But I think you’ll find the text very easy to read. It goes quickly.)
Your annotating the text and your replies to classmates will serve as our “discussion” for this session.
You can access the text by clicking here. Once you click, you can highlight certain sections that you wish to annotate. As you highlight them with your cursor, you’ll see an option to “Annotate” pop up. (This is the same as you did for the Andreas Malm piece.)
11.1.2 OPTIONAL: Finish Reading Klinkenborg
If you want to, finish the excerpt and continue annotating. (This is actually only half the book, but if you want to read even more, I can send you a digital copy.)
11.1.3 OPTIONAL: Revise One of Your Paragraphs Using Klinkenborg’s Advice (Post 2.5)
If you want to go even further, write a blog post (Post 2.5) in which you choose a paragraph of your essay and revise with Klinkenborg’s advice in mind. In your post, be sure to include 1) the draft paragraph, 2) the revised paragraph, and 3) a short reflection on how Klinkenborg influenced your revision.
Crazy for Chocolate
For many people chocolate is a part of their culture. For instance in winter you have hot chocolate and in the summer you have chocolate ice cream, but due to climate change, the rise in temperatures are making it harder for Theobroma cacao (Coco trees) to produce the chocolate beans. For Theobroma cacao they require a moist and humid environment however, in the past years the climate has been hotter then usually and instead of the humid climate which are ideal for these trees it has been drier causing many to worry,if chocolate could go extinct. Although that is the extremist thoughts it is frightening that if temperatures keep rising we may not be able to enjoy chocolate no more or at the quantities we do now.
Questions
What could be some alternatives to producing chocolate?
Why is it important that the climate remains humid?
Do you think this is a important issue? Why or why not.
The focal point of this image is the shopping cart surrounded by fog. The fog encases everything around it even the light posts in the distance. No matter how close or far the light just gets lost within the fog’s grasp. The shopping cart is singular with nothing around it but emptiness. All of the lights but one are on and shine through the fog. As one peers into the fog visibility gets lost bit by bit until nothing else can be seen
Revised
The focal point of this image is the shopping cart engulfed by fog. The fog appears to be inescapable, swallowing everything in its path until there is no visible sign of what once was. Not even the illuminating street lights are spared as its once bright lights now get dimmed by the unknown. The shopping cart is solitary with nothing around it but emptiness. The deeper in the fog one goes less of the surrounding area can be seen.
From my descriptions the feeling that I get from this is despair and hopelessness. The lights represents hope however as the fog consumes this hope and they get lost in the fog this feeling gets weaker and weaker until completely engulfed. The one light that has been dimmed out represents hope that has already faded.
The center of attention being the shopping cart in the the empty parking lot embodies fear or isolation. It shows how this fog leaves thearea to be excluded, untouched, and abandoned by humanity. After knowing the setting and the name of the image I would say my thinking isn’t really influenced much because I felt like my ideas what is line with what was trying to be presented.
Reflection
This activity for me was difficult at first because at the moment that I started the first activity with having to describe the image as is, I could not help but already try to find meaning or a reasoning why this image was taken or why it meant. However once it came to the revision I found it easier to write as I already knew what ideas to expand on because I’ve gotten used to the idea on trying to find meaning in different types of media. I chose to revise my description with words that I feel better illustrate my ideas because the use of different words might have the same meaning might have a different feeling or sentiment when used.
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