DRAFT
It’s foggy
Abandoned
Dark and cold
Not a single soul outside
Not a single creek or murmur
A mist of fear and absence
But the lights , the bright lights that led the way
The lamp posts were like stars in the night sky
The cart hangs alone
Still and quiet
The star of this dark show
REVISION
What was once so natural is now depleting right before my eyes. We used to play around with the carts while my parents shopped for sales and antiques. The lot was large, noisy, lively. The lot doay, is now a dark place. The crisp, raw air wreaked of petrochemicals. The fogg was intense and powerful, covering the area around. A mist of fear and absence. The lamp posts glistened with their bright lights. A torch through the fog. The cart stood alone. This was an abandoned lot, a cursed lot. What was once so lively was now so grave.
At first I wrote out what I saw in a poetry format, it helped me list details and describe the visuals. The challenge was incorporating concrete descriptions and to expand on the ideas. I choose to change the writing style to elevate the story and to bring out the descriptions.
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Great! I love the way you wrote your initial observations as a poem—and the narrative format heightens the already vivid description. One note: you’ll want to stick closer to descriptive analysis for the Essay 2. This is closer to a creative writing approach (which I appreciate!), so rather than “story,” think “analysis.”
Great work.